The Best Time to Write Your Life Story Is Now

by Linda Abbott

A show of hands, please, for everyone who:

• Survived Covid and Hurricane Ian.

• Has children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

• Loves to learn about their ancestors on Ancestry.com.

I suspect that in my imaginary room, more than 90 percent of hands went up. Now here’s where it gets interesting.

How many of you have captured and preserved your memories and stories for your loved ones and future generations, or made your personal legacy a pillar of your estate planning?

Not seeing many hands; that’s a problem, and here’s why.

I believe one of the biggest mistakes people make in their retirement and estate planning has nothing to do with money. The mistake is not bequeathing their non-financial assets—family history, wisdom, beliefs, and values with their loved ones and future generations.

I learned the hard way that life can change in a nanosecond. On a beautiful September day in 2009, my 74-year-old father—a hard-working, vibrant, and healthy (or so we thought) man—died suddenly of a heart attack. The idea of writing down all of the entertaining and heartfelt stories he regaled us with for decades had never occurred to me because, apparently, I assumed he’d be around for years.

Since then, I’ve met dozens of people with similar experiences. When I tell them I write life stories, they say wistfully, “I wish I would have met you two years ago.” Or three years ago. And then they tell me about their beloved grandmother, grandfather, mom, or dad, who passed away, and all the cherished memories and family history that they took with them. Their regret is profound.

Interest in family history increases as we age. A retired successful entrepreneur once told me, "When I was younger and building my business, I didn't have time to think about my family history. Now I do, but there's no one left to ask." His regret was profound.

So my message to the world is this: Now is the time.

The stories we share about our lives—our challenges and achievements, hopes and dreams, values and beliefs—connect us more deeply to one another.  They can be powerful motivators to our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  And seniors and retirees find the journey filled with joy, love, and laughter.

Don’t be daunted by the task. You don’t have to write a 100-page book or finish it in a few weeks. You don’t even have to sit at the computer and stare at a blank screen. Starting can be as easy as taking out your cell phone and recording voice memos. Here are some ways to get started:

• Talk to your family and friends; they will remember stories and people you haven’t thought of in years. This part can be really fun! Your trip down Memory Lane is a terrific opportunity to reconnect with your children, grandchildren, family, and old friends.

• Immerse yourself in the past. Take out old photo albums and watch vintage family movies. These “memory sparks” will help you recall more of the past.

• Throw out the rule book. Your life story can be as long or as short as you like. If you draw a blank about where to start, you don’t have to start at the beginning. Instead, share a story you love to tell, something familiar.

You’ll never regret taking the first step on this journey, and your loved ones will cherish the thoughts and remembrances you leave behind.

Linda Abbott is the founder of Never Forget Legacies and splits her time between Bonita Springs and Middleton, Wisconsin.

Every Life Has a Story to Tell. What’s Yours?

Linda Abbott will present “The Joy of Life Story Writing” at 2 p.m. on Tuesday, January 17, 2023, at the Bonita Springs Public Library, 10560 Reynolds Street.  A Q&A follows the free 45-minute program. 

Abbott will share tips, tools, and resources to help individuals write their life stories or capture and preserve the memories of an elderly loved one.  Participants also will learn about techniques such as memory sparks and timelines to recall more of the past.

“Writing your life story is a wonderful journey filled with memories, joy and laughter,” said Abbott, founder of Never Forget Legacies & Tributes.  “A life story book is the gift of a lifetime to our loved ones.”

For more information or to register call the library at 239-533-4860.

What Writing a Novel Taught Me About Life

A book signing for my novel at a Sanibel Island bookshop.

Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things.
—Randy Pausch, the Last Lecture.

A terrific quote that pretty much sums up writing my debut novel, which I started many years ago on a trip to Sanibel Island. More or less on a dare to myself. You see I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could not write fiction, I wasn’t smart enough or talented enough and I lacked the creativity to describe the sunset in sixteen different ways using colors that nobody has ever heard of.

I love Sanibel, so it wasn’t until Day Four when I finally willed myself away from the irresistible pull of the ocean to go inside and open the equivalent of a ‘writing fiction for dummies’ book. Though I’d been a writer for years—first in journalism and then in PR—I was convinced this was an exercise in futility. Too many unlimited possibilities, too many pages to fill. My talent, my spécialité, was the one- or two-page news release, for which I was the Queen of the Realm.

Yet the challenge taunted me. So on that day, sitting at the dining room table of a rented condo, much to my amazement, a mere three hours later, I had completed an exercise from the “how to” book and had, in fact, written several pages of fiction. I had characters, dialogue and a beautiful setting. Little did I know that afternoon I had written the opening chapter of my novel. Little did I know that I would spend hundreds if not thousands of hours over the next decade seeing it to completion.

Some reflections on the lessons from this journey:

Life happens in the small moments, pay attention.

I never even thought about writing a novel until well after my fortieth birthday. I grew up wanting to be Lois Lane (for those of you who remember Superman), not an author. But about fifteen years ago, someone asked me a fairly innocuous question that literally changed the direction of my life. “Have you read any good books lately?” At the time, all I read were news magazines. But the question haunted me; after all I’d spent my childhood devouring Nancy Drew. So I went to the library, started reading fiction again and haven’t stopped since.

Follow the dream in your heart even when you don’t know where it’s taking you.

If I had invested the time I put into writing and publishing this book, I probably could have 1. Started a small business; 2. Finished a doctorate; 3. Raised another child. But for some unknown reason, once I started this project I just kept going … as if some unseen hand were moving me forward.

Unlike many authors, I never thought I had this amazing story to share with the world; I just wanted to finish what I’d started. There were periods of time when I didn’t work on it for months, but then I got back to it, again and again and again.

Challenges and brick walls keep us vibrant and alive.

I learned about writing, editing and how a cover can make or break a book. I took classes on Adobe InDesign and Photoshop, and devoured everything I could find on indie publishing. I learned that when things in my life weren’t going well I could get lost in this project, plotting chapter after chapter, editing and revising, trying to get it right. I learned about the thrill of doing research and finding some little detail that enlivened a character or scene or gave my words greater authority and credibility. I learned that your first bad feedback can be brutal and when you find a champion for your book—someone who encourages you well beyond what you’d ever expect—you thank good Lord for sending them.

In December 2014, after years of tedious work, overcoming fears of rejection and months of delay because my “day job” always got in the way, I clicked through the sales channels that would create the Amazon page, and voila, three days later there it was. The idea that I could tap into a powerful global platform as an indie author was exhilarating. At that moment, it didn’t matter whether my novel sold or not, or what people were going to say about it. What mattered was that I wrote and published a book. I felt so proud of myself for an accomplishment that was well beyond my comfort zone and certainly beyond anything I had ever imagined doing.

Thank goodness I didn’t let fear kill this life-changing opportunity for personal growth and, much to my surprise, success. Since I published, I’ve sold thousands of books on Amazon and six years later, am still getting orders from Sanibel Island bookshops. (I never, ever, expected to sell more than 50 to 100 books to friends and relatives!) Many readers have left great reviews, and others have personally reached out to tell me how much they loved my novel; oh my gosh, if there were more than one reader who did this I would have been happy : )

The key takeaway is this: when that little voice in your head tells you that you can’t do something, don’t listen. Each and every one of us is capable of so much more than we can imagine. Advice to would-be writers: Go for it, and enjoy the journey. There’s never been a better time to be an indie author!

—by Linda Abbott

The Best Gift You’ll Ever Get Mom

Another Mother’s Day is upon us. No matter how much we love our mothers or look forward to celebrating the day, a perennial worry sprouts like the first daffodils of spring: what to get Mom? And even though she says she doesn’t want anything and is happy with a visit or call, a slender thread of guilt prompts us to start The Search.

True, some people are born with a genetic disposition for buying the perfect gift but most of us aren’t so lucky. We’re doomed to repeat the trek to the mall, wandering around the pricey perfume counters like nomads in a retail jungle or we venture off to Barnes & Noble, where, with a latte in hand, we peruse countless books, rejecting one after another unsure of mom’s literary predilections . . . will she really like it? Few things pass the test, because the truth of the matter is that in addition to not really wanting anything, Mom doesn’t really need anything. Yet the pressure mounts as we click our way through page after page of online bouquets, credit card in hand.

But there’s a way out of this annual ritual, a way to give your mother a present she’ll treasure forever because it doesn’t come from a store, it comes from your heart. And you can do it with a minimum of expense right in the comfort of her own living room.

The gift I’m talking about is taking the time to capture and preserve the story of her life—her childhood, marriage and family, career, achievements, what she fought for and what she believes in—in sum what makes her the incredibly special person that she is.

Sharing her story celebrates and honors her life, and ensures that ten, twenty or even fifty years from now her life and legacy will not be forgotten. Another plus: she’ll very likely enjoy the journey. Research shows that reminiscing is a therapeutic activity especially in older adults that is joyful and gives life new meaning.

This project requires a big shift in gears from daily life. It’s so easy to get caught up in the here and now: texts, tweets, Facebook, email, cell phone apps that we tend to lose sight of the fact—and let’s face it, no one ever wants to think about this—our moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas won’t be around forever. Memories fade, things change. Know this, and move forward. Here’s a few tips to help you get started.

First talk to your mom and decide on format: a book, DVD or audio CD are some options. Books are my favorite because they’ve endured for centuries. Draft a list of interview questions and put some time into this, because the questions are important in shaping the story. An excellent resource for interview questions is Linda Spencer’s book, Legacy.

Schedule a time for the interviews. Two hours is a good length for one session, many life stories require four or more. Get your children involved by asking them about their favorite memories of Grandma. Keep in mind this is a project you can work on for as long as you need to. (It can be next year’s present too!) The goal isn’t the finish line, the goal is to start the process.

Transcribe your interviews and print out a backup copy. Gather photos. If you’re doing a book, edit and organize the material but keep the narration in your mom’s voice. Blurb is a great online platform for life story books, or you can order custom books from a local book bindery.

So there you have it. No more chasing around, wandering down store aisles or web surfing looking for the perfect gift. This Mother’s Day, grab a digital recorder, put on a pot of coffee, pull up a comfy chair and have a long chat with Mom. You’ll never regret it and neither will she.

—by Linda Abbott